On a personal note, I’ve been dealing with this God awful tropical depression Debby for the last several days, floods, high winds, tornados, and fallen trees, working my butt off, my car got attacked by a drive through McDonalds sign and is now literally in therapy, the garage that is for the next several days and the list goes on. In other words I needed a good laugh and thanks to Ted I got that and more. Not an avid watcher to “The Family Guy” but if you like that show you’ll fall in love with “Ted”. Sex, drugs, profanity and nudity what else would you expect from a cute little teddy bear? In other words, leave the children at home because this teddy only says I love you when you squeeze him otherwise anything goes!
The year is 1985 and little John Bennett (Bretton Manley), who resides in a suburb of Boston with his parents, has no friends, not even the Jewish kids. Ok, to defend myself on that comment it’s a joke from the film; yes it offends many cultures amongst other things. One evening over the Christmas holiday John makes a wish and the next morning his teddy bear comes alive and he names him Ted. His parents call Ted a miracle, like Jesus, and soon the little fuzzy guy goes national, even making an appearance on Johnny Carson. John and Ted became best friends and since both were afraid of thunder storms, they made an oath to stay thunder buddies for life.
Many years later, 35 year old John (Mark Wahlberg) has grown up, works at Liberty Rental for Thomas Murphy (Matt Walsh) his boss, with several other employees including Guy (Patrick Warburton) who happens to be sexually confused. John is dating Lori Collins (Mila Kunis) and he still lives with pot smoking Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlene) who looks the same, maybe a bit worn with a much deeper voice, a potty mouth, and even though he has no penis quite the sex drive for the ladies. Twenty seven years have passed by and both John and Ted are still afraid of God’s farts and Lori fears that as long as Ted is still around then John will never truly grow up and take responsibility for his own life. Lori works for a PR firm under the direction of her egotistical, self-absorbed boss Rex (Joel McHale) who happens to have a huge crush on her.
Eventually it comes down to an ultimatum for John, Its Lori or Ted, he chooses! Beautifully shot in front of hundreds of fish at the city aquarium a decision has been made, Ted is moving out. During a walk in the park two very strange characters Donny (Giovanni Ribisi), love him by the way, and his son Robert (Aedin Mincks) a knock off of a young Susan Boyle offer to buy Ted from John. Ted is not for sale but rather is off to start a new life and gets his first apartment alone, he gets a job at Bay Colony as a checker, begins to date Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) and begins to make a life and career advancement based on foul mouth statements and sex acts. It sounds harsh and it could be but it’s truly hysterical in so many ways. Thanks a lot to some brilliant writing and excellent photography and special effects. The fact that the chemistry between Wahlberg and Kunis is superb it surely did not hurt the fact that this film is worth the movie ticket, popcorn and a drink for adults only of course. Thought I’d express that once again just in case a parent thinks of bringing a child. Not a good idea especially if they love there teddy bear and they soon experience what happens when they come alive.
John and Ted grew up watching “Flash Gordon” (John J. Jones) who happens to make a cameo appearance in this film along with Norah Jones, Tom Skerritt and wait until you see who Guy falls in love with. Think the color green! When John breaks a promise to Lori he eventually ends up at a local hotel all alone. That is until Ted stops by to give John a total ass whipping literally bare cheeks and all. He still works out apparently! Walhberg not Ted! Although when Ted gets bear-napped by Donny and Robert it takes two to come to his rescue all leading up to one dramatic chase through Boston ending up at Fenway Park. In the end, Lori gets her life back and everything about this story is so wrong it’s just right. It’s time for the flash jump! No teddy bears were harmed in the making of this film thanks to the AHA (American Humane Association). The cast, the writing, the direction, the 80’s interludes and the effects all lead up to one very bearable story that will surely bring back a nostalgic feeling in so many ways and so many places. Definitely worth seeing as long as you take it for what it is, comedy, not to be taken too seriously. Written and absolutely enjoyed with three and half paws out of four by Jon Patch.
